Monday, December 20, 2010

Anxiety

Anxiety. What does it mean?

anxiety (æŋˈzaɪɪtɪ) [Click for IPA pronunciation guide]
n , pl -ties
1.a state of uneasiness or tension caused by apprehension ofpossible future misfortune, danger, etc; worry
2.intense desire; eagerness
3.psychol See also angst a state of intense apprehension orworry often accompanied by physical symptoms such asshaking, intense feelings in the gut, etc, common in mentalillness or after a very distressing experience
[C16: from Latin anxietas; see anxious ]

Collins English Dictionary - Complete & Unabridged 10th Edition
2009 © William Collins Sons & Co. Ltd. 1979, 1986 © HarperCollins
Publishers 1998, 2000, 2003, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2009
I have always thought that anxiety was a little bit like excitement. Or nervousness. You feel anxious about performing a musical item in front of a crowd of people, but really you can't wait to get out there. I guess I thought the feeling of anxiousness was more a mix of nerves with the edge of excitement. I think I was wrong.
According to the dictionary definition of anxiety, it's not that at all. Anxiety is an intense feeling of fear or angst. I have recently experienced that anxiety for me is an extreme feeling of being overwhelmed by simply everything and feeling my body become so tense yet having little say over telling my muscles to relax again.
I don't claim to know everything about anxiety and the effects it has on people, and I definitely don't claim that my struggle with anxiety is the greatest of them all. I don't fear going outside or think that when I turn the corner the worst is going to happen to me, but I do understand the feeling of not being in control.
We talked last week in bible study about Paul in chapter 7 and how he explains what his head and heart want to do, but they may do the opposite instead. See if you can get your head around this passage...
14For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. 15 For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. 16 If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. 17 But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. 18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. 19 For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. 20 Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.
21 I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good.
The conclusion we came to was that we are born sinners, we cannot help but sin. Even though our spiritual minds, our 'post salvation' selves, may desire to do good and what God wants us to do, our fleshly bodies, our 'pre salvation' selves can sometimes overrule. It can be harder to change your behaviour - even if you really desire to.
I find that similar with anxiety. As much as I desire my muscles to relax and the tears to stop flowing, sometimes it feels so much like it's beyond my control. So there's that bodily action overriding my minds thinking again.
That concludes my thoughts for today...

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